Snow, Hunger and Numbness.

It was snowing earlier on today, I felt numb. There was no happiness, no joy and no excitement. May be I have grown old. After an hour of standing I had realised that indeed yes, I am old. With every passing second, we grow older but with every passing second we also fail to appreciate what we have gained. A year ago, I was in a new country, a new life altogether. It came with its own set of challenges, I was more outgoing, I was more alive. In a year's time I have become more restricted, is the restriction self imposed or is it due to some factors out of my control? If I try to look for an answer, there is none. 

There is nothing that is holding me back, but then there's everything. There is this invisible force, which does not want you to break free, that is the force of societal expectations. What is a society? Who created these expectations? Is there a puppet master somewhere? 

A few weeks ago, I bought myself a perfume/aftershave. Call it whatever you want, to hell with the name of aftershaves or perfumes, I wanted something more intense. The craving was never satisfied, the hunger for more and more keeps growing and growing on. I made myself some lamb chops, I wanted to eat more and more. The conclusion I reached, there is an ever growing hunger, which will never stop growing until you question it. But why would you question it? This hunger is what is fuelling your dreams, this hunger is what is making the society the way it is. If you come to think of it, this is the very reason the society is ugly and inhumane. We call it inhumane, but is it not the human nature to want more, be greedy and not to help others. We feel an unexplainable pleasure when we hold power over someone. Do we like playing god-god?  

Maybe there is a place where I can just sit and observe everything in silence, watch the cigar glow as the cold wind blows. Maybe there is a hidden piece of paradise somewhere that I have to find, away from the inhumane humans. Far away from the lust of the worldly pleasures, you don't need to be a saint or a guru, you don't need to be a priest, or a mullah nor you need to be anyone well versed with religion. You only need to question your hunger, your desires that make you inhumane and cruel. 

We all are corrupt, rotten to the core, yet we get offended when someone says that you are inhumane. We feel insulted, hurt and we get defensive. But then are we changing something for the better? No, no, no and NO! We are not changing anything but sweeping everything under the rug. The only issue is that its no more just a handful of dirt, the rug cannot hide anything anymore but we want to keep sweeping everything under it. 

Maybe I am waking up or perhaps I am just snoozing.