Book store anxiety, some thoughts after book reading, birthday and memories.

I chose to go to the bookstore on my own, had some titles in my mind but turns out the ones I wanted, they didn't have them. So now, what should I do? Do I go back to my car and drive home and leave my newfound interest in books? Nah, so what if they did not have those one but they definitely have other books as well. There started my journey, romance, fiction, psychology, history, autobiography and whatnot, well I started to feel the "heat" of not knowing what I wanted and there were people who looked like they knew what they wanted or they had a fairly good idea of what they were here to buy.
Sweat, sweat, confusion, anxiety, so many books what do I buy? what do I do now? Imagine being in an emergency and it's your first day and you don't know sh!t The beeping of the pulse oximeters, the alarm of the blood pressure monitors and agitated patients, you studied all this but you're stressed and damn, you just wanna run out of the hallway screaming that "let me the f*ck outta here" 
Yeah, something like that happened, except that it was a bookstore and even though there was no patient, I felt as if the books were the patients. After a couple of minutes, I calmed down, started looking around titles that would have an appeal, something similar to what I had noted before coming. Found one book on existentialism, and then started the search again, this time a book on intelligence caught my eye. 
Looking back, it was definitely something new for me. I tried to buy books before as well but I just left, I mean I couldn't just pull myself through the anxiety and ultimately did not have the energy to find something to my liking. 
Immediate lesson learnt from that experience, go to the bookstores more often to find more interesting titles. 
Lessons from the books: Just be yourself, plenty of people like you as you are, a lot of people want to be where you are and you don't need to hand yourself a very harsh self assessment. Don't try to impress people especially if you think they are your friends. History has a lot to teach, interpretation and the intention with which you read history is very important. Similarly, the ability to look back and analyze a situation with the intention of improving yourself is a very valuable quality, not a lot of people are willing to do that. 

Birthday: a good one. Spent it at home, reading at a snail pace, got a cake. Me and my brothers have a thing for chocolate, a lot of people do, and so we used to get a cake from Freddy's. Unfortunately it's been closed for a while now, so had to get a different one. Nonetheless, it was a good experience though we still miss that cake from Freddy's. What would I like to do differently, hmm, have a BBQ. Yeah, a BBQ. Next time for sure.

There are so many photos on my phone, lectures slides from three years ago, random photos and a lot of things I intended to delete but just didn't. Taking photos felt a bit too mainstream, I started this habit of taking a tissue from the place I went to, write the names of the people I was with and put a date on there and then I'd store them. I opened my memory folder and there were a couple of them, and memories would play themselves as I'd look through the bundle of tissue papers. The name of the restaurant embossed on the napkin, the date, the names of the people, it all worked a lot better than taking a photo and then being unable to find it through a zillion other pictures. Most of them were signed by the friends I was with, some I'm still friends with and with some, we just parted ways. 

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