Windy walks, a BMW and re-tracing.

Liverpool was the first city in the UK where I lived on my own, albeit for a little while but it holds a special place for me. From the highs of confidence to the shattered self, the whole transition through a rollercoaster of emotions helped me look life differently. The windy days, I loved walking surrounded by the gusts of winds. I would have a smile spread across my lips, it felt exciting, liberating and it was a taste of freedom. 

I remember the first time I bought a pizza in Liverpool. It was a few days before my exam, and I had grown tired of eating biryani. I had added sweetcorn and coleslaw to my biryani, see this was a sheer cry for a change. One night, I finally told myself that yes, let's go and get that pizza. It felt nice, I felt happy inside. It was the kind of happiness that I hadn't felt before in a long time, it was just genuine happiness. 

Walking earlier today I felt those strong winds and I was happy, that was my own time, away from everyone else and the best thing was that Freedom, that liberty those winds bring with them. 

Not so far away there's a gym that I used to walk to, while on the way to the gym there's a car park about 6 minutes of walk from the gym. In that car park, a grey color BMW M5 with the black trim contrasting the grey color. It looks so aggressive and so intimidating, you can feel it staring deep inside of you, if you succumb to the aggression you simply walk away but if you hold it off and look at it again, you feel that you just might have tamed it. Someday soon perhaps, someday soon. 

I fell asleep while writing this and hence completing it now, I went for a walk around half past six in the morning, the sun was not out and the roads were relatively empty. It felt nice, the gust of winds, the feeling of the morning breeze as it hits the face and the freshly charged body after a bit of an espresso. There is a feeling of contentment when I look back, comparing to who and what I was when I had first came here and now how it all has developed. It makes you feel grateful for all you have, humbled too. But you do have to compare how much you have progressed but that is only possible if you revisit things. 

Whenever I go to someplace I try to re-trace my steps, what I was thinking, how I did things, what were my main concerns and how did I interact with people and how I managed my stress and anxiety. Re-tracing helps you be better, at a certain moment we may think that we are perfect, but looking retrospectively you find out that was not quite the truth; there is always room for improvement. And life is all about that room for improvement till you just can't improve and it is the day you die that you can't improve.