Calculations, Emotions and some risks

Every once in a while I will go back to read the older conversations I had with a certain someone, even though we never talk anymore, not that I want to start another conversation with her anymore cause I know it will never reach to something that would be defined as a fruitful result, I just go back to see where I once stood, what I did, how different I was and where I have reached now.

When it's been a while and you re-read older conversation, I don't know about you but I feel like a third person because my answers now would be so different, I know where I could have steered it to a better place and where I could have given her the opportunity to speak what she had and not finish the conversations on the dead end note but it all was very valuable to me at least now I know what not to say to someone.

I played it safe and calculated my words, weighed my messages to see it wouldn't hurt but all when I was trying to avoid causing her pain, I did indeed hurt her, sometimes you need not to think that much and go with your gut feeling.

Calculations are for maths, finances and other deals where you aren't that emotionally connected to someone, where you have a connection you can play a little without the calculations, you can also play it as a bit of thriller, rev up the excitement and try different things.

We aren't robots, if you calculate everything that much you end up losing on quite a few avenues especially where relations are concerned be it lovers, family or friends.

And someone once said to me, if someone comes along and joins you on the journey it's good but don't change your destination for someone. 

To the girl on the other side, I wish you all the best and if we ever walk past each other someday know you always have a special place somewhere inside of me.