Arranged marriage: A desi solution to all the troubles
You're living your life ordinarily and then suddenly you get to hear about people in your class getting married and this cycle then makes an appearance into the family and soon your eldest cousin is married and then its just a count down to your turn.
Being raised in the an Eastern family you have a set of rules and obligations, you choose what to study what your parents want and you become what your parents want, your own desires are mostly sidelined. For example, I had ZERO interest in becoming a doctor, I wanted to study economics but then I came into a med school and here I am in the final year and by this time next year I'll be done with almost two months of house job. I enjoy writing but still to this day I can't speak about my own interests in front of my family. But since I'm almost a doctor now, I figured I should be the best doc that my patients have ever had. That requires a decent knowledge, empathy, good clinical skills and excellent communication, working on those and will be much improved when I'm on the job. Luckily, I found some good hobbies to link my medical career with and the journey will never be boring and will always be full of rewards, satisfaction and happiness
So like your education, the choice of your significant other also falls under the decision of your parents. You can give your suggestions but the final judgement isn't yours. I have seen so many faces, which are unhappy, dissatisfied, lacking contentment yet trying to put up a fake smile. SO you're married to someone you may not like, who isn't compatible but you have to live like you're on a timetable, like a robot just to pass the time; cause of your family's respect. Satisfaction is never there. Then you reproduce and have so many kids, still your face lacks a genuine smile. There's this sorta cold war between the two of you, as your children grow this war deepens and soon your kids question is the whole purpose of life is to study, work, marry and reproduce. And then if your kid isn't into nice habits and hangs with the wrong crows, you think oh wait let's get him married and the responsibility will sort him out, well guess what. THE RESPONSIBILITY NEVER SORTS THEM OUT!
In the whole process of this arranged marriage, not one not two but multiple lives are involved and its a huge gamble, if it works good, you made the right decision but what if it doesn't work then what? Then the girl wasn't right, her family wasn't right and so many things you add. But you wouldn't realize that maybe just maybe it wasn't the right decision. Blame the girl for the easy way out.
I used to be fascinated by the concept of marriage and how it's supposed to bring you all the joy, lol that was some time ago, now I think this arranged marriage concept is literally killing contentment in the lives of so many people. I wouldn't want to put someone through that trouble and then end up deceiving her, have kids and then leave them stuck in between the cold war, no that's wrong on so many levels. You have one life, so you live it with contentment and let your marriage be the source of gratification and not of deception.
This is a general idea which I've observed and its a lot common than I thought, I don't know about the West but thats the way it works in the east. Arranged marriage the solution to everything. Sarcasm intended.
It's nice to sit and have a cup of tea, talk about something interesting, something productive with someone, someone who's the significant half, some day perhaps, not today.
Well wherever you are and whoever you are Miss, I hope those talks are as good as I think of them and may it be more of a conscience one rather than an arranged one.
Don't settle for a proposal just cause your family pressurizes you, settle for someone who's compatible cause you have to spend that life not someone else. Think wise and lastly marriage is not the solution to everything! Change your mindset, its not a single life, its multiple lives which will be effected by whatever good or bad you choose to do while in that relationship
Being raised in the an Eastern family you have a set of rules and obligations, you choose what to study what your parents want and you become what your parents want, your own desires are mostly sidelined. For example, I had ZERO interest in becoming a doctor, I wanted to study economics but then I came into a med school and here I am in the final year and by this time next year I'll be done with almost two months of house job. I enjoy writing but still to this day I can't speak about my own interests in front of my family. But since I'm almost a doctor now, I figured I should be the best doc that my patients have ever had. That requires a decent knowledge, empathy, good clinical skills and excellent communication, working on those and will be much improved when I'm on the job. Luckily, I found some good hobbies to link my medical career with and the journey will never be boring and will always be full of rewards, satisfaction and happiness
So like your education, the choice of your significant other also falls under the decision of your parents. You can give your suggestions but the final judgement isn't yours. I have seen so many faces, which are unhappy, dissatisfied, lacking contentment yet trying to put up a fake smile. SO you're married to someone you may not like, who isn't compatible but you have to live like you're on a timetable, like a robot just to pass the time; cause of your family's respect. Satisfaction is never there. Then you reproduce and have so many kids, still your face lacks a genuine smile. There's this sorta cold war between the two of you, as your children grow this war deepens and soon your kids question is the whole purpose of life is to study, work, marry and reproduce. And then if your kid isn't into nice habits and hangs with the wrong crows, you think oh wait let's get him married and the responsibility will sort him out, well guess what. THE RESPONSIBILITY NEVER SORTS THEM OUT!
In the whole process of this arranged marriage, not one not two but multiple lives are involved and its a huge gamble, if it works good, you made the right decision but what if it doesn't work then what? Then the girl wasn't right, her family wasn't right and so many things you add. But you wouldn't realize that maybe just maybe it wasn't the right decision. Blame the girl for the easy way out.
I used to be fascinated by the concept of marriage and how it's supposed to bring you all the joy, lol that was some time ago, now I think this arranged marriage concept is literally killing contentment in the lives of so many people. I wouldn't want to put someone through that trouble and then end up deceiving her, have kids and then leave them stuck in between the cold war, no that's wrong on so many levels. You have one life, so you live it with contentment and let your marriage be the source of gratification and not of deception.
This is a general idea which I've observed and its a lot common than I thought, I don't know about the West but thats the way it works in the east. Arranged marriage the solution to everything. Sarcasm intended.
It's nice to sit and have a cup of tea, talk about something interesting, something productive with someone, someone who's the significant half, some day perhaps, not today.
Well wherever you are and whoever you are Miss, I hope those talks are as good as I think of them and may it be more of a conscience one rather than an arranged one.
Don't settle for a proposal just cause your family pressurizes you, settle for someone who's compatible cause you have to spend that life not someone else. Think wise and lastly marriage is not the solution to everything! Change your mindset, its not a single life, its multiple lives which will be effected by whatever good or bad you choose to do while in that relationship
well stated!
ReplyDeleteThank you!
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